series 2 chapter 1

Not Human series (2)

Lowly Mistress

chapter 1
Chen Mou

[Lü Bu]: Don’t cry…

[LB]: Don’t cry,
[LB]: be patient.

[LB]: Yesterday I asked Liu Bei…
[LB]: to put in a good word for me.

[LB]: I’ll be fine tomorrow.

In year 198, Cao Cao and Liu Bei breached Xiapi, capturing Lü Bu and his followers.

[soldier 1]: She is drop dead gorgeous…

[soldier 1]: I’ve never seen any woman who’s so naturally refined.

[soldier 1]: That pearl-white skin, and that fine curve…

[?]: Seriously…

[soldier 1]: Ay, if she’s my woman I wouldn’t want to do anything else but stay home.
[soldier 2]: No wonder Dong Zhuo died for it, and now it’s Lü Bu’s turn…
[soldier 3]: Oh no, I wonder if our Lord would be next?

[soldier 2]: Shush, look! Blind-Xiahou is here.

[?]: Haha, another pervert.

[?]: Even he wants a piece of the action.

[soldier 4]: Everyone has seen her by now, right?
[soldier 5]: No, there’s one more.

[soldier 1]: Ah! You mean him!

[soldier 1]: That Guan Yu, who thinks he’s above such worldly desires.

[soldier 6]: Five liang, brother Li, if you let me see Diao Chan tonight!
(“liang” is a Chinese monetary unit)

[soldier Li]: For a promiscuous girl like her, is five liang worth it?

[soldier 1]: Of course, even death is worth it.

[soldier 7]: Wait, I’ll give you ten!

[?]: Anyone paying more than ten?

[Guan Yu]: Ahem.

[GY]: Do you all have nothing better to do?

[soldier Li]: Ge… General Guan…

[GY]: Hmph!

Dian Chan…

[riders]: Make way!
[riders]: Make way!

[soldier 8]: Is there a problem, sir?

[rider 1]: We’re escorting Diao Chan back to Xudu first thing in the morning.

{knocking sfx: dong dong~!}

[rider 2]: Mister Li, we’re here to see Lü Bu. Please lead the way!

[?]: Lü Bu! Congratulations!

[rider]: You’re free, Lü Bu.

[Lü Bu]: Don’t worry, I told you I’ll be fine.
[rider]: Move!

[Chen Gong]: Farewell, Lü Bu.

[Diao Chan]: Chen Gong, what did you say?

[CG]: Your husband is a goner.

[CG]: Congratulations, you shall soon become…

[CG]: Cao Cao’s new favorite.

[CG]: Heh…

[CG]: First Dong Zhuo, followed by Lü Bu,
[CG]: and then comes that old lech Cao Cao! This is great! They all deserve to die!

[CG]: Who knew that a woman can actually kill three evil; surely I’m no match.

[DC]: That’s not… no…

[DC]: Lü Bu! Lü Bu!

[DC]: Lü Bu!

[DC]: Lü Feng Xian! Come back!

[LB]: Wait… Hold on…

[LB]: So this is Cao Cao’s answer?

[soldier 9]: Even with such a great reputation, Lü Bu still can’t escape death.

[soldier 9]: Ay, no matter how skilled a warrior is, he is still at the mercy of a beautiful woman; beauty invites misfortune…

[LB]: Wait, I want to have a word with my wife.

[DC]: Lü Bu!

[LB]: Diao Chan!

[soldier 10]: Die you bravest warrior of this world!

[LB]: Diao…

[LB]: Chan~~

[DC]: Feng Xian!

{wind sfx: hoo~}

[soldier Li]: Achoo!

[soldier Li]: Hoo! So cold…

[soldier Li]: Who’s there?

[soldier Li]: Who is it?

[GY]: Fifty.

[GY]: Here’s fifty. I want to see Diao Chan tonight!

[soldier Li]: You~~

Night, a fresh breeze passes by, making the teeth clash against one another. The guard took out a bottle of wine, hoping to fend off the chill with it…

A cool half moon shines through the loose pine tree leaves; beneath its shadowy light, a man who’s leaning against the rails of the high tower let out a slow sigh. And he made a decision as he looked at the remnant stars in the sky.

[soldier Li]: Thirty, forty,

[soldier Li]: Fifty.

[soldier Li]: All right, here’s the pass.

[GY]: Thanks.

[soldier Li]: Who knew this high and noble Guan Yu…

[soldier Li]: would be tempted by beauty as well.